We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
