don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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