Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
