You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
