and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
