You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
