just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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