i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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