Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
