we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
