my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
