Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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