Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
