We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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