it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
