you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
