His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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