I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
