We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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