He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
