dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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