remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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