You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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