i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
