there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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he fucked my hip out of place.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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