The maid of honor just puked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
