My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
