The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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