One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
