dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
