I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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