so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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