I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
