i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
