Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
