He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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