I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
