wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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