So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
