Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i now understand why vodka
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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