i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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