I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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