the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
