Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
