i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
