her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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