I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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