hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
