dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
