I have demons in me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
