so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
