the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
