the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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