I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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