Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
