I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
