and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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