I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
