If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
