You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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