YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
