I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
