it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
pray to the hookup gods
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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