she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize