i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
