I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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