My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
