I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
