is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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