I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
