Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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