I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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