WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
