is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
