Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
