I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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