So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
