you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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