I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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